Firstly, yesterday was excellent. Dawn had her birthday party and it was fun times as usual. Highlights include the following: Walking to the Bakery in Lakeview Heights to get baked goods and coffee, attempting cartwheels with Jessie in the park, and listening to Tyler do Rockband in a Scottish accent.
Today was lazy. I cleaned a little and that was it. A thunderstorm happened too and Dad and I watched it from the balcony. The sunset was also very pretty!
Listening to Sleepthief and needed a title. So there you go.
Good news first. Apparently my aunt wouldn’t listen when she was told there was nothing that could be done for Uncle R. They got a specialist finally and now they think they know what’s wrong with his heart. He still needs a machine to live, but he might not need a transplant after all. They even woke him up and my aunt was told she could go home. It’s scary to think that they were going to let him go because they thought there was nothing they could do.
Now for the bad news. Tonight I found out that an online friend died last month. I’m sad, but… how sad can you be over someone you’ve never met? I wasn’t even sure if it was who I thought it was when I saw the news at his website. We used to talk over Twitter and he was a huge help at one of my sites. I tracked his IMDb account and old sites and I remember those names and that e-mail from nine or so years ago when I started running websites. He even asked me, “Aren’t you S- from S-’s Adventures of Sinbad Page?” I think maybe I’m sadder about KS because of what’s happened this summer (and the fact that I’ve been aware of a person for so long and talked to him and suddenly he’s gone). It’s been forever since I’ve pulled the lock-myself-in-the-bathroom and cried while sitting on the floor in front of the door, but feel better now that I’ve done it.
Now for the not-very-significant and stupid stuff to explain what triggered that last sentence. I was going to take a shower, but remembered that I had smelled cat pee on the stairs after coming home from work. Figuring I should take care of it before showering, I grabbed a rag and cleaner and sprayed each step until I found where it was. Mom asked me what I was doing. Then a fight happened over the cat and litterbox. She did that thing where she makes something irrational up and blames me. I refused to move the stupid box like she said because last time Dad scolded me. Then I went to the bathroom. I felt like such a giant, fat, ugly baby. I needed something to make me go and cry it out, though.
… I think all the bad things are over now. I’m going to the movies tomorrow… and next week, if all goes as planned, I have three parties three days in a row: Dawn’s birthday party-what-party, Caitlin’s going away dinner with work people, and Krystle’s bachelorette party (hopefully). This never happens!
My insides are tied in a knot still. I just need a good sleep.
It’s frustrating thinking… if only I had different interests. But I can’t change who I am.
I had a dream last night that various people around me were dead. I thought about it all day. I found out a person from my work was killed in a car accident. Then someone named “Cris” (I saw the strange spelling in my head) that was my sister’s friend. Then R. I was sad, but not falling apart. I remember thinking I was a curse. At the end of my dream, maybe when I was waking up, I was so happy that all these people were still alive and I was mistaken. I remember when Jo’s mom was sick in the hospital and I had a dream that she came home and started dancing in their front yard. I told Jo this like it would come true. It did (except for the dancing part).
Every morning I get news. I’m afraid to go to sleep.
Oh shoot it’s 2:30. I guess I should put the laptop away ;_;
Sometimes it seems things only happen when you stop waiting.
I was going to see Inception today because I’d heard so many good things about it and just know spoilers will get thrown at me. I was surprised my sister said I could go with her and her friends, but the movie started at 7:05 and she left at 7. She wanted to go to Famous Players, which meant we were there at 7:15. The lineup was long and the movie was sold out. She drove me back home.
This long weekend really really sucked. I don’t say that just for me, either. The disappointment is more than missing a movie or not being able to go shopping or have our party (I still can’t believe he apologized for that). It’s more than me. I want my family to be happy again. I love Auntie Edna. I want her to be happy. I want Krystle’s wedding to be happy (it’s in a week and a half). But I love how we have so much hope in us.
I decided to start this 30 Letters series, courtesy of Valen.
Day 1, Your Best Friend
Dear Best Friend,
I realize you are an imaginary person right now. I remember when I was nine and Jo was my best friend. I remember when I was twelve and Jo was my best friend. I remember when I was fifteen and she was still my best friend even though we were no longer three doors away from one another.
I remember high school and how I knew we were drifting apart. We stopped sending handwritten cards and presents every birthday and Christmas. We stopped talking for hours on the phone every week. We stopped sending detailed e-mails. I remember how important it was that I find a new best friend. I remember coming home from a movie I watched by myself and crying in my room like the world was ending. It seems stupid now; I was really sad that I had waited over a year to see a movie alone.
I suppose I have many “close” friends now. I am thankful for them and wish I could see them more. Maybe everyone is a collective best friend- my friends, my church friends, my sister, my cousins. Part of me, however, wants to hold on to that need to have that person with the title of “Best Friend”- someone who liked me more than other people. I still refer to my journal as my best friend. When I write in it (or here), I am talking to myself, I am praying, I am talking to my imaginary friend.
So ends my first letter.
- allMywonders
I guess I’ll start off by saying Friday and Saturday were excellent days. My mom, sister, and I left for Chilliwack in the morning and ended up in Vancouver that night. I don’t really remember what happened during the day. [Riiiiiight, we had the wedding rehearsal. That was fun times as well.] Yesterday night, though, was a night I probably won’t ever forget. The cousins (minus the youngest two) rented a karaoke room for an hour and sang our hearts out and then went out for sushi. I’m thankful for that. It was funny funny fun.
This morning my uncle had a heart attack. He was at work early that morning and my aunt was escorted by police to the hospital to see him. Krystle and I went to meet her right away (she wanted Krystle there). When we went to see him, my aunt asked him what happened. I was standing away from them because I wasn’t immediate family or anything. I was holding Sam’s hand. All I heard was, “How many times did they shock you?” When my uncle said he was shocked eight times, they both started crying. My aunt was holding his hand against her cheek and it was so hard not to cry right then. Krystle and I took the kids home to their house in Surrey where the rest of the family was waiting. We waited all day (all the plans for the day were canceled). Every time the phone rang, I could feel everyone hold their breaths. Everyone was babbling in filipino and I didn’t really know what was going on. When we heard he was “stable,” my sister decided that we should go home. We didn’t think there was a reason to be there since we’d only be in the way. Grandpa wanted to go home to Chilliwack with the dog. A few minutes after we’d left, we got a call saying to come back because Uncle R. was in “critical condition.” On the short trip back, my grandpa was so upset. He had the dog wrapped up in a towel in his arms and was sobbing. My mom told me later he was so angry that my aunt was going through all of this and my other aunt, her sister, was still keeping her promise never to see her again.
My uncle’s okay for now (not doing “well,” maybe, but he was able to see his kids this afternoon). He was actually moved to the Critical Care Unit, which was why the hospital called (to say they moved him). When you have so much family spreading the news like broken telephone, things get out of hand. It makes me so angry. “They had to shock him eight times” does not mean “I don’t think he’s alive.” You need to be careful with how you pass on information. Anyway, our worry is nothing compared to my aunt’s worry (I was actually crying the least, I think, and feeling very calm… which is strange for me). I hope he gets better. He had a heart condition and his heart finally gave up on him.
I feel bad for my second youngest set of cousins. They’re parents are divorcing at the moment and I’m realizing now that maybe spending a night with us older cousins might’ve been a much-needed break. I’m sorry I snapped at one of them for being super super annoying.
I’m glad to be home. My grandpa needed to spend some time alone at his house, so we dropped him off on our way back. The three of us stopped for coffee in Hope and Glee music was playing for almost the full three hours from Chilliwack. That show is so happy. My sister was the one that said, “Do you have any Glee songs?” It was a good cheerer upper… and I get to sleep in my own bed tonight. I’d feel bad if I was still over there. I can’t really help. You don’t need that many people running around. The only thing I did was try and distract Sam and Tom with the trains we saw. I was so useless that I had to get step-by-step instructions from an almost-four-year-old on how to strap a two-year-old into a car-seat -_-.
Too bad our surprise party didn’t work out. My aunt had to be talked into canceling it because it was at her house. She had to leave a few more times that day anyway and it wouldn’t have been a good idea. We gave Krys the Magic Bullet my mom got for her and she was excited :-].
True Blood is downloading and I desperately need a shower… Night.
Guess what? I finished a book that wasn’t for school! I haven’t done that in ages. I have three other books on the go (Helen of Troy, Kalyna’s Song, and Clash of Kings), but this was made me want to finish. Now I’m on book two of the Tomorrow series, The Dead of Night. Something happened that I knew was going to happen at the end of the first book and, again, I was reading a sad story in a public place. I had to hold back the tears.
I sat back again, against the hot rock. So, that was Nature’s way. The mosquito felt pain and panic but the dragonfly knew nothing of cruelty. He didn’t have the imagination to put himself in the mosquito’s place. He just enjoyed his meal. Humans would call it evil, the big dragonfly destroying the mosquito and ignoring the little insect’s suffering. Yet humans hated mosquitoes too, calling them vicious and bloodthirsty. All these words, words like ‘evil’ and ‘vicious’, they meant nothing to Nature. Yes, evil was a human invention.
I was feeling rather depressed at work. Yes, again. So I promised myself (again!) that I would write more. I want to take my creative writing teachers’ advice and write for young adults… I wanted to spend my remaining time at work thinking up a brand new story since I’ve had the same two and a half rolling around in my head for three years, but I was so exhausted (lack of sleep, which was my fault) and really not wanting to be there. One of these days…
The sadness came back today. Hopeless, desperate, selfish. At least it isn’t as obsessive as it was and at least I’m not bawling every night and not wanting to do anything. I’m watching so many shows and reading and working. I’m distracted enough, I guess.
I went to the mall and Chapters this morning and searched the Teen Fiction and Teen Series sections for John Marsden’s Tomorrow series. It took longer than it should have (and some “NothankyouI’mjustbrowsingleavemealones” to those helpful employees (I can use the computer, yo)). I didn’t want to be caught browsing endless vampire and Gossip Girl-esque books. I found them right at the very end of the general fiction section (it’s a series, Chapters!) under “12+.” It made the series sound more daring =\. I bought the first one last fall and only really got into it yesterday. I confess I was only interested because one of “my girls” is in the movie coming out in September. Someone called it the Harry Potter of Australia (popularity-wise) and the trailer was interesting. I tried to explain the plot to someone: “It’s about a bunch of teenagers that go camping and then come home to find that their country has been invaded.” One thing I like about what I’m reading so far is that every character has a personality (I think Twilight has tainted the young adult genre!). The plot also freaks me out. What if this happened to me? What if my friends and I went away for a week or so and came home to find all our pets dead and our families missing? Oh em gee. I would be terrified. Back to where I was going with the Chapters thing, I bought the next two books and can’t wait to get through them.
If you care, here is a trailer. The movie better be good.
I started watching Caprica. It is really different from BSG. It’s interesting, but the characters aren’t as interesting. In fact, a few of them are really annoying. It has some interesting concepts, though. I wanted to watch Firefly first, but both times I downloaded the entire series, something went wrong and I couldn’t watch it.
My mom’s friend is visiting tomorrow. I haven’t seen her… oh… since I was five? Maybe? Maybe six or seven. I’m the same age as her daughter and I remember them visiting when we lived in Deep River. I remember sneaking into the “guest” bathroom and cutting myself on their razor, which was by the sink. I like it when we have visitors.
I keep thinking about _____. _____ is _____ now.
The past few days were busier than the past two weeks together (I’m not used to that!). Wednesday I saw a friend my mom babysat once upon a time. I hadn’t seen her in seven years and apparently I looked frightened when I first saw her. My sister and I took her to our house to see the parents, to Mission Hill for picture-taking, and to Earls for lunch. After work that day, I went to Eclipse with Dawn, Craig, Nick, and Caleb. It was entertaining. I can’t take Stephenie Meyer seriously.
Thursday was Canada Day. I decided that this year I was going to be patriotic, so I asked for the day off and went to City Park with Tanya and Jean. However, it took me 2+ hours to get to the mall. I left my house at 10:30 to walk to the bus. After walking for 10-15 minutes, I waited at the stop for another 10-15 before realizing buses were on a holiday schedule. The next bus was coming in over an hour, so I figured I might as well walk to Stevens Exchange in that time to catch the 21 instead. While passing Dawn’s house, she managed to flag me down and offered me a ride. I waited for another 15 minutes (and also saw Craig) and finally made it into town. I got to the mall at 12:45 >_<
Anyway, Tanya, Jean, and I covered ourselves in tattoos, wore funny hats, and dressed in red and white. We walked around downtown, had pachos at Kelly O’s, saw some people, and went home after they decided that festivities weren’t that great this year. We made cupcakes, watched the Sister Act movies… then Jean and I decided to stay up and watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (my favorite of the series… movie-wise). Oh! We could see the Kelowna and Peachland fireworks from where they live. They were far away and the booms took some time to get to us. It was eerie in a way, but I loved it.
D&D happened Friday night. Woot. Now it’s work next week and that’s it. Ho hum.
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